We laugh until we think we'll die
Barefoot on a summer night
Nothin' new is sweeter than with you
Ahhh home
Let me come home
Home is whenever I'm with you.
"Home" Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
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Today is October 6th. I've been in Burlington for a month. I can no longer say that banquet was just the other day, my camp laundry has finally been done and put away, and there's really no excuse to blame any mess in my room on "the moving in process." I'm here, and have been, and will be.
And it's kind of great.
Don't get me wrong... I'm still exhausted, homework obsessed, and slightly frazzled, but I'm finding more room for peace every day. I'm getting better at living in the "now" even about little things. I'm not making endless plans or getting sucked into vacuums of daydreams, and I'm not skipping or falling asleep in class.
In thinking about how I'm spending time these days and how I used to allocate time in my Freshman and Sophomore years I've been struck by one question over and over again since getting back, and it is the following:
"How, with all my extra curriculars and all my wasted time and all my excessive napping... HOW THE HELL did I pass all my classes?"
And the fact is, I have no idea.
My main commitment these days is trying to be in one place at one time, but also looking for ways to make my moments richer. I'm slowing down. I'm taking my time to cook, and eat, stretch, and excercise.
I've also become a podcast fiend. I tried an audiobook for the first time a few weeks ago and listened to it whenever I was walking around campus or downtown. I LOVED it. It kept my mind off endless reminiscing or useless planning, and I got something enjoyable out of that time instead. So I've started listening to BBC, NPR, NYT, and other podcasts as I walk around. It can be hard to keep track of names when you're listening instead of reading, but I'm getting more comfortable with it and I finally feel like I'm getting tuned in.
Perhaps most importantly of all the things I could report is a major breakthrough I had yesterday: I can do handstands. Okay, not the awesome two-legs-straight-in-the-air-handstand that we could all do when we were in second grade but no longer have the nerve to try... not one of those yet. BUT: I can finally do the modified handstands with the funky turns and seated starts we have been doing in my modern dance class! Not something that will be winning me any awards, but they are really fun. I'm so much more free to enjoy the class now that I'm not dreading the sequences with handstands in them! I realize that this is ridiculous, and that of course we all enjoy things more when we are good at them... but it's been a real lesson in humility to struggle with aspects of this dance class because in the past dance has come so easily to me. I've had to really take a deep breath in order to take advice from classmates and ask for help on some things. So given all that, it's nice to have a breakthrough... however trivial it may seem.
On another note... in case people actually read this... a comment from a friend made me reread the last two posts, and they make me sound like a crazy person. Let me just say that I've been trying to use this blog as a tool for processing my experiences, much like I did while I was in Tanzania. So if things sound messy in an entry, it's because things are messy in my head and I'm trying to get them out of my head and into another place. No need for alarm. Make sense?
